What approach do I need to cure anxiety?
Yes, anxiety is very uncomfortable and in fact, it blocks the enjoyment of life. Everyone has some degree of anxiety even though many worry that they are the only ones. To cure anxiety is to personally experience and understand anxiety. We can remedy anxiety but to cure anxiety requires a more in-depth study. Chinese medicine says, you treat the root and the branch. Good psychotherapy treats the root and branch. Therefore, to cure anxiety we need to also treat the parts of ourselves that are underground. These are the parts that we are unaware of but they fuel the anxiety that we are conscious of daily.
The right medicine
As we learn about our anxiety, then we can apply the correct medicine. This medicine can range from psychotherapy, self-reflection, meditation, tranquilizers, herbal remedies, or simply singing your favorite song.
Therefore, a gradual making friends with anxiety is the most important skill. If we just try to get rid of it, it will grow back but usually in an uglier form. For example, if I am feeling anxious and I asked myself,” What am I worrying about?”, just as I would ask a friend. Then I can listen to the worry without judgment, just as I would not judge my friend for her worry. To say to yourself or your friend that you are weak or stupid for having that fear only makes you and them feel shameful. Then we have shame and anxiety to deal with.
Listening to anxiety without getting caught in it
As we listen to our worry and anxiety without judgment, we have the possibility to cure anxiety. Many times anxiety is a story that came from the past and no longer applies to the present situation. However, it still operates unconsciously and can be triggered by an external situation.
It feels as if the external trigger “makes me feel anxious” but in actuality the person or situation in the present represents someone or some situation from the past that scared us or terrified us.
The feeling of anxiety in the present can be slight or huge. The degree depends on the amount of anxiety stored from the past. We may not even know what is triggered at first. We just feel anxious. Then we begin asking ourselves questions.
This is where we befriend past anxiety. It is as if, you the adult are listening to a part of yourself that is young and child like. The anxiety is irrational because it was created in youth, so it needs a rational, kind response from you the adult and not just rejection.
For example, let’s say as an adult in present time, I experience anxiety when talking to someone that is in an authority position.
This can be anyone that represents or reminds me of someone in the past; such as, a parent, priest, school teacher, uncle, etc. I can begin by noticing where I feel anxiety; such as, head, shoulders, stomach, lower belly, etc.
As I feel the anxiety(remember to breath) ask questions:
Adult part: “What story are you telling yourself?”.
Young part: “If I say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing, they will reject me or hurt my feelings in some way”.
Adult part: “What could you do wrong?”
Young part: “Saying something stupid.”
AP: “Has someone else told you that you are stupid?”
YP: “I have always felt stupid.”
AP: “Did someone humiliate you or over power you?”
YP: “I felt like I could never fit in. I felt like an outsider at school too. Some of the teachers were mean.” “Ask me more questions latter. This is enough now.”
AP: “It not only sounds scary but lonely.”
YP: “Yes”
This sort of dialogue helps sort out past feelings and experiences from the present. I would suggest writing this dialogue down. That helps ground it. Some feelings can be very strong, the farther you go. Staying with the breath also keeps the feelings grounded.
This process might not eliminate the anxiety to begin with but it reduces confusion about where the anxiety is coming from so it does not effect the relationship with the person in present time, as much.
If I am unaware of this story, I will mix up the person in the present from the people in my past.
Things as they are
There is anxiety from personal experiences, anxiety from rigid cultural values, and the anxiety of the unknown which religion attempts to soothe. Yes, we need medicine from time to time because anxiety is overwhelming and unbearable. But we can be smarter about how we help ourselves and get help from others. To cure anxiety is a way of life. If we have had personal wounds, cultural conditioning and religious misdirection, which we all have to varying degree, then we need to make friends with this anxiety and see what it can teach us. That is why meditation is one of the primary medicines to cure anxiety. Meditation treats the branch by trusting the breath instead of the anxiety, shifting the focus from anxiety to the feeling of the breath. And meditation treats the root through seeing things as they are, rather than how we imagine them to be.
“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” C. G. Jung
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