Addictions and substance abuse are self abuse and those in close relationship are collateral damage. Alcohol, prescription drugs, non-prescription drugs, sugar, and food can all be instruments of self abuse, leaving loved ones lonely, hurt and angry.
Amount, amount and amount
All of these substances can be very pleasurable, medicinal, recreational, fun and necessary to our health and emotional well being. But I am talking about the amount. When does the amount change from medicinal or recreational to poison? That is the first question. Then we can ask, “What emotional vulnerability am I avoiding?”
An addiction counselor or a substance abuse counselor will help reduce or stop the consumption of these various substances. For some people, stopping is life or death. One of the twelve step sayings I like is: “I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.” This is an important experience because some health and sanity is trying to emerge.
Why do we prefer sick and tired over health and clarity?
We prefer sick and tired over health and clarity because it is a known suffering. The unconscious assumption is, “If I really feel and suffer my true feelings, it will be unbearable. I might go crazy or never stop crying.” I have heard many people say this at some point in psychotherapy. The opposite is true of course. The suffering of health and clarity is actually easier than the suffering of addiction.
Addiction counseling is the beginning. It gives guidance and support through the suffering of detoxification. Then, either the addiction counselor or another psychotherapist will help with the underlying suffering that has been the reason to over medicate in the first place.
Addictions are usually strong attachments to the wrong thing. We are not trying to be puritanical about all of this and many times a puritanical or perfectionistic attitude is the underlying addiction; such as, “If only I was smarter, prettier, richer, better, cleaner, faster, and so forth.” The addiction to puritanical, perfectionistic, and exclusive attitudes of ourselves and others gets closer to the primary addiction that is unconscious.
For example, this perfectionistic attitude is usually very unconscious, so the only way we can perceive it is through projecting blame and judgement on others. That is why addictions cause so many problems in relationships. The addictive substance or behavior is a defense against self blame and judgement that needs tenderness and acceptance. Usually, we find a young part of ourself that needs to be included and not required to be someones version of perfect.
Addictions may come and go through life but hopefully we can learn what sort of unhappiness they are repressing. Then, we might work through that unhappiness, whether it be despair, losses of any kind, self image, family issues, and so forth. This working through is the suffering of health and clarity, rather than the suffering of sick and tired. There is suffering in both, but with different results.
