In the previous post, we began looking at the rejected parts of ourselves. The parts that have been put into the “bag” or banished to the “shadow”. Consequently, we may feel like “half a person”, or “something is missing”.
As we bring these rejected parts into the light of awareness and value them, we begin to feel more whole and in balance. We gradually begin to hold both sides of our personality: shadow and light, inner life and outer life, sadness and joy, restlessness and peace, etc.
Why do we repress feelings and memories?
Parts of ourselves get repressed because we have been hurt, judged, rejected, or traumatized. To protect our self from this emotional pain, we create an “ideal” image of ourselves. This “ideal” is a substitute personality which helps us to adapt to family, culture and life itself. This adaptation can feel like survival for a child. “If I am good, in certain ways, I will be emotionally and physically safer.” Or, “If I am rebellious in certain ways, I can keep a safe distance.” But in this adaption there is a sacrifice. We sacrifice parts of the actual self that were unacceptable or seemed unacceptable to a child.
When basic human qualities are judged negatively they are pushed into the shadow(out of awareness), but so are the positive qualities:
- Naivety can transform into: wisdom, maturity, learning
- Repulsion can transform into: discriminating awareness, healthy identity with others
- Desire can transform into: deserving of love and satisfaction
For example, remember a time when you did something out of naivety, and then you were judged harshly as if you were “stupid”. With a little direction, that naivety could have changed into know-how, intelligence or wisdom. Or a time when you expressed some assertiveness, such as anger, but were shamed. Or a time when your desire was blamed as selfish or unworthy but it was just a basic human function.
Why are we so critical of others and our selves?
“Imagining” or making up stories about others and our selves serves a temporary purpose as children. It protects us from feeling the hurt. For example, If I can keep a story going about how “stupid” you are or about how “stupid” I am, then I don’t have to feel the hurt, rejection, or trauma. Latter in life, we continue to “imagine” from this hurt place and make stuff up about our partners, children, friends, fellow employees, different races of people, religion and so forth.
Noticing how we criticize others or ourselves provides the doorway into these lost parts of the soul. These lost parts that are alive and waiting to return when the time is safe. Before psychology, shamans called this ‘soul retrieval’. It is ‘soul retrieval’, but we have developed different words and different methods to achieve it.
The next post:
The Art of Suffering our Emotional Pain-Soul Retrieval
