What is anxiety made of?
When we first feel into our anxiety, there can be an experience of shaking. Sometimes it can be experienced as a tension in the body that is very sensational. It is unavoidable in our dreams. Also, it is usually experienced as unpleasant, such as a knot in the stomach, a headache, or tight shoulders. That seems like such an obvious comment. But, many times the anxiety or the depth of the anxiety is not even experienced just because it is unpleasant. It is pushed away.
The question: “How does that make me feel?”, can be so over used, but it is asking us to feel more deeply. Generally, people in the beginning of therapy will say; I have already felt that anxiety, I have already talked about that, but in actuality they have begun a descent into a root of anxiety and in many cases, an ancestral root.
There’s more to feel, there’s more to experience. This can seem masochistic at times. Why should we feel negative feelings? It seems to make things worse. Yes, it can if you do not have the correct help, method and understanding. I had a patient who said, I feel when I talk about my anxiety that I am going into a dangerous neighborhood and I feel safer if you go with me. This is a very intelligent comment, because he had very little experience with his inner life. We wouldn’t go kayaking on the ocean without a little help and education.
What is the story?
Anxiety, worry, nervousness have quite a story to tell. Most of the story is unconscious, so it is underneath our awareness, but operating none the less. That is why it is so hard to get rid of it, even if we know everything is fine. All the logic checks out, I am safe, but I am still very anxious. It is important to find the unconscious story. For example, if I am anxious about being with a particular person, I need to ask myself some more questions. Who does this person remind me of? What do I imagine might happen? How is this situation symbolic of something else that has happened?
A common story is; he or she will see how ugly, stupid, awkward, or vulnerable I am, and they will laugh, reject, or in some way hurt me. Usually the story is some version of that. This operates unconsciously because some or all of the hurt happened to one degree or another in the past. It just got pushed away because we were too young and/or not helped or educated in how to relate to the confusing experiences. That is why the story is usually not rational because it began in a very irrational time, childhood. The younger the incident the more overwhelming. The more it was repeated, the more ingrained.
That doesn’t mean that it can’t be dealt with, it just takes a little longer and needs more attention. Meditation on the breath gives a feeling of stability as we reflect on some of these questions. Strong emotion can be released, breathing through the feelings can keep us more grounded and objective.
Continued in next post:
Dealing with Anxiety
