Arya Stark and Game of Thrones; The Father/Daughter Relationship;

Arya Stark is a character with a warm heart and a calculated revenge. She symbolizes for us an emotional tension that all people experience in varying degrees. It is the tension between anger and longing. We can have longing for love, security, comfort, peace, or enlightenment. Arya longs for her father and all that encompasses.

The Father/Daughter Relationship; Ned and Arya Stark as a Symbol

Fathers can “lose their heads” in any number of ways, missing opportunities of relationship with their daughters and sons. Father’s may “lose their heads” over money, booze, boundaries or an identity crisis to name a few. When a young girl loses her father as a guide, as a role model for future relationships, and as a friend it leaves an empty place, a hole.

This empty place not only hurts but is empty of an important emotional intimacy that needs to be learned. Particularly, if the father/daughter relationship was not enough or harmful to the daughter in the situation of abuse or neglect. This emotional intimacy can be developed through psychotherapy or similar practices such as meditation.

The father/daughter relationship sets the ground of how to have an inner father and inner teacher. Some women refer to it as an inner compass or skill in emotional navigation. This skill is mostly needed in relationships. The same is true for boys but we are just looking at one angle of the problem right now. Daughter to father is a little different, than son to father.

Arya Stark and Game of Thrones offers a symbolic look into a young woman’s relationship with a deep emotional wound. Her father “lost his head” to a male-dominated culture of entitlement and brutality. The background of this symbolic story is a time of primitive emotional intelligence in a cultural dark age. Culturally we have come a long way, but we are still pulling our heads out of the dark ages.

Also, this fairytale demonstrates different degrees of emotional development with two fathers. Ned Stark is a much healthier father than Cersi’s father. Consequently, Arya was protected from much of the ignorant attitudes of these dark ages. Cersi grew up a slave to men so her rage and bitterness has devoured her. Arya is much less wounded but is now working with her rage and longing for her father.

I wrote in a related post: A Psychological Perspective of Jon Snow and Game of Thrones

“To look for a psychology in ……… Game of Thrones we need to hold this story as a dream or fairytale. And look to see what it may be pointing to. That way it is useful for us, as insight or guidance.

When we have a dream or read an ancient fairytale there is usually a feeling of curiosity that comes with the symbolic images, the strange relationships among the characters and wild feelings of all sorts. We know there is some meaning or usefulness in the dream or in a fairytale.

“If one studies the psychological implications of myths, one sees that they very much express the national character of the civilization in which they originated and have been kept alive.” The Interpretation of Fairy Tales By Marie-Luise von Franz, P.26”

Anger and Revenge

Arya uses her victim’s names as a mantra to stay committed to her revenge. A mantra is a word or phrase that is repeated over and over again as a meditation practice. A mantra is used in meditation to keep the mind present and conscious. A mantra gives a person something to hold on to when negative or inflated states of mind start to creep in and take over.

However, in this situation Arya creates a mantra of those she will murder to avenge her father’s death. As if revenge is the medicine for her unbearable pain.

Example: Many women carry anger or rage toward their fathers or other men that have hurt them or left them behind, rightfully so. And, how can a woman transform that anger so it does not become poison to her and future relationships? Working with that question is extremely important.

Varying degrees of Childhood trauma

Post traumatic stress disorder in children from sexual and physical abuse can deepen this wound. One may need extra help. The hurt that comes from emptiness or not enough attention: needs attention. Getting help is a way to relax the waves of rage and longing.

Transforming Anger into Wisdom

Anger transforms into wisdom from an Eastern meditation point of view and psychologically.

When we can be aware of our longing for another, longing for deeper intimacy, we can use the anger more intelligently. It is not necessary to growl or bite at another person, even though it happens from time to time. Anger is transformed into self/other respect. This is how anger and longing, hate and love are the greatest of partners. They can work together.

For example, when I can feel my own hurt, I have a better chance of empathizing with someone I am angry with. If Arya could feel her loss and the helplessness of getting her father back she would be using her life differently. She might have a chance at a life bigger than murder. She could change her mantra of murdering these people, to something that could truly help the darkness in her world, such as, helping other women to be more independent.

Double edged sword

The double edged sword has been the symbol of wisdom and compassion in the Eastern world as well as King Arthur in the West. The sincerity involved in healing oneself is the symbol of forging Valyrian Steel. I am sure it took a long time.

For example, when a person is hurt, (everyone has some of this), over-powered or traumatized there is a natural anger response in order to protect the mind and body from getting hurt again. A common response to anger is to keep others out. This way, they do not get close to one’s heart. One can feel suspicious of love, vulnerability and success.

And, on the inside, anger is turned against oneself which blocks self-love. It makes for loneliness and meaninglessness. That is why this area needs to be explored and expressed.

What would loving yourself look like? This is a very personal answer.

This anger can inform instead of destroy when the hurt is experienced and seen for what it is.

Hating on oneself is not a wise thing to do.

It is essential to express anger at one point of dealing with hurt and at another point the hurt needs to be felt and understood more thoroughly. Otherwise hurt and anger can turn toward oneself, a partner, one’s children and/or the natural father in a vengeful way.

Never-the-less, a women or a man faces a transition from deep hurt toward a consciousness of the hurt and how it informs emotional and spiritual balance, a little evolution, maturation or just plain growing up. This balance requires understanding along with a felt sense of balance, back and forth, up and down, anger and longing. We balance without thinking once we get the hang of it. This balance is somewhat like riding a bicycle.

Outside Related Links: Meditation and Anger;