All of us deal with relationship problems at certain points in our lives. Even the functional couples can have escalating arguments, and, therefore, finding themselves in an impasse. A good conflict resolution might be provided by couples counseling.
Not many people are willing to go to a relationship counselor. This is mostly because of their mindset and the wrong way in which they perceive couples therapy. We have gathered some useful information about how this process works. We have also provided the main benefits of couples counseling.
Does Couples Counseling Work?
Relationship counseling has many proven benefits for those who have marital issues. However, not many people go to this kind of therapist, because they are terrified to discuss their intimate problems with a stranger. What people need to understand is that the counselor is just creating the proper environment for a successful mediation.
Even if the specialist is guiding the couple, the two people involved are the ones that need to step forwards, admit where they are wrong, and make amends with their loved ones. Working with an experienced professional might save your marriage.
Main Benefits of Couples Counseling
- Open communication. The couples coach will teach you and your spouse different conflict resolution techniques. These will probably save your marriage, and it will make you have a stronger and healthier relationship.
- Become a better version of yourself. Sometimes, the couples counseling has such a huge impact that it can even make you change the way you think as well as the way you look at life, in general. The key element is positive thinking. Be appreciative for everything that you have. This way, your anger will decrease.
- Gain more patience. Nowadays, we live life like hamsters on a spinning wheel. We are so busy with our jobs, kids, and other things, that it may slip our mind to just stop for a second and spend some quality time with our other half. Couple counseling may help you prioritize your tasks, and listen to what your husband/wife has to say, more often.
- Anger management. Marriage counseling can help you better deal with your anger moments. We all have our ups and downs. You just need to learn how to deal with them, and successfully overpassing rougher times. At home, you and your spouse would probably yell at each other. Well, during a session of couples counseling, you will be embarrassed if your therapist sees you in that state. Therefore, you will probably be constrained to find more peaceful ways to deal with a problem, being more well-mannered.
- Getting to know your partner better. When you discover your spouse’s world, your couple becomes stronger and more stable. Furthermore, if you and your loved one know each other very well, you will be prepared to deal with stressful situations. A therapist will present all these to you in the form of a game. You will have to commit to these lessons, in order to learn valuable things that you can apply later, at home.
- Know the way that your partner express love. Gary Chapman, a marriage therapist, states that every individual has his own “love language”. The love vocabulary contains five different areas of interest: affirmation statements, acts of service, the way one receives presents, spending quality time, and, last but not least, the physical touch language.
- Discovering the real cause that created the problem. Many times, you will argue about something superficial like leaving the toilet seat up or forgetting to do the groceries. However, all these fights cover something deeper, that you either are not aware of, or you are not ready to discuss about. Couples counseling can help you get to the bottom of these issues.
- More trust and healing. Trust is a crucial element in every relation. It created a strong foundation for your future together. Fixing trust issues is quite hard, but applying the relationship advice that the counselor offers you, might really help healing your emotional wounds.
When Should You Go to Couples Counseling?
Usually, you feel when your marriage has problems. Many people try to fix the issues themselves. Others do not even take the time to think about it. This is the moment in which your relationship starts to crumble. Some might consider going to a specialist, but it is not an easy process. You should definitely seek professional help if you find yourself in the following situations:
- Having serious marital problems. When you are constantly fighting with your spouse, you should give couples counseling a try, especially if you have never been to therapy before. You should take care of your relation the same way to do when it comes to your health. Going to marriage counseling should be done once a year just like the annual physical checkup.
- When dealing with major transitions. This can be the case if you expect your first child. Other things such as moving to another city or country, and changing jobs can also be stressful and affect the relation’s balance. Whenever things change and you find yourself out of your comfort box you can seek a counselor’s help.
- If your spouse asks you to. Even if you do not want to go or you feel like you do not need it, you should still be opened when your loved one is asking you to give therapy a chance. Think that your spouse most probably wants to work things out, not to make you feel less important or even emasculate you.
- If the same issue appears over and over again. If your marriage problems are already déjà vu, you should definitely go to marriage therapy. If you don’t want to physically go somewhere, in a therapist’s office and lay on their couch feeling totally uncomfortable, then you can also make an online couples counseling reservation. Many psychologists offer this option instead of asking you to come to their place of work.
The entire purpose of couples counseling is to make you think which areas you can improve when it comes of your own persona. Try to see more your own weaknesses and less your spouse’s flaws.
How to Choose the Best Couples Counseling Therapist?
- Ask for referrals. Choose a licensed therapist. This way, you will make sure that he/she has the right knowledge to help you. You should also look for an experienced counselor; someone who has seen everything, who has encountered many flawed couples. He/she will know what type of techniques work best in your specific case.
- Try several counselors. When it comes to couples counseling, many therapists offer the first session for free. Therefore, if you do not like your first choice, you can try other options. You must try to think in an objective way. Do not let your emotions take control and make you decide on an impulse. When you have some sort of chemistry with your counselor, and you feel you can tell him/her anything, the entire process will feel much more comfortable.
- Choose an expert. Find out what is the specialization of your potential therapists. You should pick one that has his/her main experience on couples counseling instead of general therapy. Not many of them are truly qualified to help you solve your martial issues.
- Pick one with the right attitude. You should choose a therapist who has a proper behavior in relation to marriage problems. He/she should have a proactive thinking, and he/she should never think that a couple has irreconcilable differences. In the same time, they should remain neutral, and should not take sides in the familial conflict of his/her patients.
- Make sure your potential therapist knows your goals. Your counselor should not only know your objectives but he/she should also understand them, and find creative ways to make you achieve those purposes. You and your spouse should always be on the same page with their therapist, when it comes to couples counseling.
- Do not forget about the budget. You should also take into consideration the costs of the couples counseling sessions. The wisest thing to do is to establish right from the start all the costs of the marriage therapy. If you think you are on a tight budget, you should not quit in finding the best counselor you can afford. Just look for someone who is within your financial range. Also, make sure you cancel your session in time, if you cannot attend a specific visit. Otherwise, you might have to still pay for the therapy, even if you are not benefiting from it.
What Can You Expect from A First Couples Counseling Visit?
The first visit will probably be one in which you all meet each other. The counselor gets to know you a little better, and you gain more trust for the next sessions. Then, the couple is involved in many communication techniques and games, that have the sole purpose of redefining the entire relationship.
Both you and your loved one will have to evaluate the good and the bad parts of your marriage. Being opened about it is the best thing you can do at this point. Even if something that your spouse is saying might upset you, do not interfere while he/she is talking. Listen carefully until the end, and then you can tell the way you perceive these things, without shouting or using a bad language.
Even though it is much harder, you can even go to couples counseling by yourself. This can be the case when your other half refuses to go with you. Even if you will be alone there, you can still have benefits such as discovering more about yourself, gain more confidence, and even make better life decisions.
Final Thoughts
Couples counseling can be confusing and energy consuming. If you want to solve all your marriage problems, this is the way to do it, even though it might feel like a burden at first. Marriage therapy has plenty of benefits. Even if, at the end of it, you still break up with your spouse, you will have gained plenty of positive things from participating at these sessions.
Be careful which counselor do you choose. Think about your budget, and search for an experienced and licensed therapist. The more prepared the expert is, the better the conflict resolution will be. You should go to the first visit without being afraid of how things might turn out. Usually, the counselor’s office is a neutral place, where you can be opened about everything that is bothering you in your marriage.
