The easiest way to describe resentful feelings is that start with the resentment definition, which is a feeling of annoyance, displeasure, or anger toward someone else (or something else) that you feel wronged you or caused you hurt. It’s a persistent feeling and isn’t always easy to get over.
What is Resentment?
Dictionary definitions, no matter how paraphrased or extended don’t always explain things well enough for you to understand something, especially a feeling. It helps to read some actual examples of feelings of resentment to help you know what it means to feel resentful.
- Example 1: A woman’s ex-husband treated her poorly. They divorced, but she still harbors ill feelings and resent toward him for all the years of her life she wasted waiting for him to change. These fillings cause bitterness and make it difficult for her to move on to a happier life.
- Example 2: An employee got looked over when it came to a promotion at work. They feel like they did everything perfectly and deserved that raise. They harbor resentment toward the boss who passed them over and the other employee that did get the raise. What did that person do that made them more worthy? These feelings cause them to slack at work, and maybe even lose their job in the long run.
You can see that resentment is a normal feeling that is a reaction to things going wrong in your life. It’s when you hold onto those feelings that they start to affect your life, and usually in a negative manner.
Fighting Feelings of Resentment
Now that you know the resentment meaning and know what harboring those resentful feelings can do to your life, you know you need to learn to let go. It’s not always easy to stop resenting someone. You could have those feelings of anger and hatred until your dying day, especially if you don’t make a special effort to let them go.
1. Look at the Cause
What made you feel resentful in the first place? Take a look at what lead you to these feelings. Spend some time analyzing the cause; by looking at this, you can get a better idea how not to feel this way toward others in the future.
You can learn to not become resentful by learning to be happy with what you do have. Someone else got the raise; maybe that person deserved it just a little more than you. Instead of becoming bitter, work harder so you’ll get it next time.
2. Look at the Effect
What have your feelings of resentment done to you so far? The cause is what got you here, but how has this hatred affected your life? Did you lose a friend? You may have lost your job or got demoted.
The effects of resentment can also cause internal turmoil. Your constant anger can lead to chronic stress. Chronic stress can cause heard issues, eating disorders, and more.
3. Learn to Like Them
No matter what this person did to you, find a new way to look at them. If you find something to like about the person you resent it will be harder to feel ill will toward them.
It also helps to understand that most people are going through the same things. They may have gotten passed over on their last raise and simply stepped up their game this time to ensure they didn’t miss out on another one. Your husband may have treated you horribly and hid things from you, but he may have been going through some internal turmoil himself. The fact that other people have problems too may not always be a reason to forgive them for hurting you, but knowing what they’ve been through can help you be more understanding of their position.
4. Learn to Be Grateful
Gratitude isn’t a miracle cure, but it helps you focus on the positive things, which can help you feel less anger toward the negative ones. Gratitude is something more people should practice on a daily basis.
Start with your resentment and look at the aspects of this situation that would allow you at least a moment of gratitude. You didn’t get the raise, but you still have a job you like. Your ex-husband hurt you, but now you are on your own and free to make changes in your life.
Avoiding Future Resentment
By learning to fight those feelings with these four steps, you can move on from hate and resent. Practice each of these every time someone makes you mad. If you do this before resentment sets in you save yourself a lot of stress.
