How we interact with Holiday Stress is where the relief happens. How we relate with overwhelming situations, feelings and time constraints is the skill that we are learning.
Healthy stress and Unhealthy stress
Healthy stress is the challenge we give ourselves to mature and grow in our life. Unhealthy stress makes us sick and depressed.
We have some control and some ways to manage the unhealthy stress, the stress we add on top, the unnecessary stress that can be let go.
Distinguishing what we can and cannot control
There are natural stresses that come about during the holiday season, a given. But so much of it can be worked with by distinguishing the unnecessary stress with what is just so.
I can do something with my reaction to a person or a situation. I can relate with my feelings, no matter what they are and not get lost or overwhelmed. If I cannot deal with my feelings on my own, I can at least perceive where I am stuck and get help. Struggling, obsessing and repressing feelings is where most of the unwanted stress comes from. This is where things can change. We can learn to perceive(see) the feelings coming up. We can learn to perceive(see) our reaction to them; such as, obsessing or rejecting them. And, we can learn to release the reaction through a shift of effort and intention.
Perceiving feelings and the reaction to them
First, stress is a problem of foggy perception which results in undefined feelings, unconscious feelings and then poor choices that cause more stress.
“Do not mistake a rope for a snake” 
This warning has been used by meditation teachers for over two thousand years. They are reminding us not to confuse our imagined fears, anxieties, projections, guilts and worries with what is actually true and real.
Four mis-takes with stress:
First, Perceiving (seeing) a situation worse than it actually is.
This is an exaggerated reaction to circumstances and feelings. It causes racing thoughts, flooded feelings, and sometimes disconnected or fragmented feelings. This is stress.
This can be dealt with by naming and feeling the basic stress, even saying it out loud to yourself or to someone else. As simple as, “I’m am anxious I will buy someone the wrong gift”. “I am afraid I will get depressed this year.” “I am anxious that……”. Also, writing it helps. Meditation can be a great help at this point.
For example, perceiving a simple social interchange or mis-communication that triggers a huge reaction within us. My reaction of fear, anger and confusion becomes unmanageable. That reaction is mine to deal with.
Examples of perceiving the basic stress:
“I have so much to do this holiday season and if I do not get it all done I will let people down and that would be unbearable.”
Being everything to everyone is unnecessary stress.
“He/she will reject me because of what I said or did and I am too afraid to talk about it.”
To apologize or to check something out with another provides relief, even if you were not at fault. Fear of the truth is basic stress that needs to be seen and felt.
Secondly, Perceiving a situation less risky than it is which causes stress in the future.
This could be any form of ignoring or repressing feelings and intuitions that are trying to warn us of over-extending ourselves beyond healthy stress. The illusion is mistaken or exaggerated capabilities.
For example, biting off a bigger chunk than one can chew(an illusion), such as getting too far in debt or committing to more projects than one can actually accomplish in a reasonable amount of time. Even eating and drinking to extreme can be a form of ignoring and repressing stress that needs identifying.
In this case, the image of the rope and snake are in the opposite position. I need to see that some situations can hurt me and others close to me. “It actually is a snake and I ignored it. I should have been more afraid. Now I have over committed myself to something”.
“I do not feel up to the holidays this year. I have been sick and my work has been demanding but I’m going to push through it. I would rather do that than tell my family that I need to stay home or I can only stay for part.”
Expressing your limits of what you can and cannot do provides relief from stress, even if there is guilt to follow.
Third: a mis-perception of time and how long something actually takes to do or accomplish.
This is pretty simple. Things take as long as they take. If I want something different, it creates unnecessary stress.
Also, this mis-perception can be based on some “shoulds” that are in the darkness, not conscious. This is where stress builds.
“I should get what I want when I want it.”
“I should do this because other people want me to.”
“I should do more because it proves I am a good person.”
Fourth: Perceiving the natural and unexpected stresses that come with simply being alive.
These are the simple changes that happen to us that are out of our control; such as, life and it’s demands, sickness, old age and death.
These natural stresses can be less stressful when they are perceived for what they are and what life is asking of us.
For example, holiday blues can be a result of natural occurrences. This time of year memories, losses and simple changes are remembered. They may be sad and not within our control. Children have moved away, parents are divorced or have died, longing for connection with another but not knowing how to talk about it or let it go. Our body and mind may be asking for rest, forgiveness, to cry, to laugh or just be kind to ourselves and others. There is some natural suffering that is unavoidable and trying to avoid it causes added on stress. So lets be kind to ourselves, listen to what we need, and find a way to honor our innate wisdom.
The more these sorts of feelings get repressed the more holiday depression. Christmas depression can also be based on de-pressed feelings of grief that naturally need to come out on the holidays, it is a time to remember our families, close friends, and losses.
Grieving can often be a simple discussion about someone who is not present during the holidays or someone that has died. This is how people bond and feel the light in the darkness of sad or angry feelings.
For example, loss needs a grieving process, whether it is loss of a dream or loss of a relative. If I resist this process there is more stress, because now I have to hide it from myself and others because I perceive that process as weak, self pitying, selfish or just too painful to deal with.
I can easily mistake a rope for a snake when I see a rope in a shadow. But when I turn a light on the shadow, I can see what is actually there; a rope, a snake, and sometimes both.
I can do the same when I turn the light of awareness on. I have a better chance to know what to do and how to respond. I gain a reasonable sense of control as I open my awareness to what I am feeling, sensing, and longing for.
Holiday Tips:
Be kind to yourself and others. This is a vulnerable time of the year.
Take care of yourself. Meditate, exercise, eat well, do art, study quality information and get out into nature.
See last post: Seasonal Affective Disorder and the Holidays
