Oftentimes, emotional detachment is viewed as a strictly negative thing. We tend to think of emotionally detached individuals as being aloof, overwhelmed, and even a bit cold in terms of their personality. However, that is not exactly accurate in some cases.
In fact, emotional detachment can sometimes be a temporary means of coping with difficulties in our lives. But is it possible to become truly emotionally detached? And how do you know if detachment is the right way for you to go about dealing with your current emotions? Let’s discuss how to become emotionally detached without permanently severing ties with your feelings.
What Does It Mean To Become Emotionally Detached?
Emotional detachment, as we tend to think of it, can refer to a person’s inability to make emotional connections with other living beings. Of course, when this is a core component of someone’s personality, this person might have what is referred to as Emotional Detachment Disorder (EDD). Those with EDD tend to have endured tumultuous and traumatic childhoods in which emotional expressive did not receive any value or they viewed it as a sign of weakness.
However, emotional detachment isn’t always a disorder; in fact, it can sometimes be a way for a person to cope with strong and lingering emotions. Recently, researchers have noted that there is an emotional “hangover” – a period occurring after a major surge of emotions in which our ways of recalling and processing events that occur after the emotional impact are changed. This is due to how our brains respond to emotions. When these surges of emotions become overwhelming or exhausting, some individuals might find themselves wanting or needing to emotionally detach.
What Unhealthy Detachment Looks Like
Emotional detachment is not a permanent solution to help you deal with your emotions. Instead, think of it as being more like a relaxing holiday. When an individual transcends emotional detachment and ventures into the realm of dissociation, there is some cause for concern.
Dissociation is defined as a severance in the connection between a person’s memory, thoughts, feelings, and sense of self. When someone dissociates, they are not simply shutting out their emotions; they are shutting down multiple thought processes.
Dissociation can range anywhere from mild to severe and tends to feel as though you are having an out-of-body experience. Many people who dissociate do not seem to intend to do so, and only a small percentage of the population experiences an actual dissociate disorder.
When someone dissociates, they might struggle with learning and memory, experience sudden and profound changes in their mood, and feel as though the world isn’t real. They might suddenly seem sad, aloof, or extremely quiet for no obvious reason. In other words, these people might not necessarily be trying to figure out how to become emotionally detached; it just happens.
What Healthy Detachment Looks Like
Emotional detachment can serve a purpose when you are dealing with complex, persistent emotions. While processing these emotions is important, learning how to become emotionally detached for a brief period of time allows you to better process these feelings.
There are different methods you can use to help you learn how to become emotionally detached. One such way is to find distracting activities to take your mind off of how you feel. These activities can be anything that you do as a hobby, whether it is reading, writing, painting, or speaking with one of your close friends.
Even light physical activity can be a healthy way to temporarily disengage from your emotions. Going for a walk or run, lifting weights at the gym, trying pilates, going to a Zumba class, or doing yoga in the comfort of your own home are all ways that can help you de-escalate your emotions through being more mindful of your body.
Accepting Your Emotions
When you are ready with a clearer mind, consider accepting your emotions versus completely rejecting them. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) teaches us how to be present in the moment, become more open to and aware of our thinking selves, and to commit to following through on our goals that align with our core personal values.
In other words, that’s a fancy way of saying it is okay to embrace your emotions! Learning how to become emotionally detached doesn’t have to be the only step in the process of better coping with your emotions.
Anger, fear, resentment, sadness, and any other emotion that you can imagine are legitimate emotions; they are real to you in the moments when you experience them. However, it is important to come back to these emotions when your calm your mind, assess the helpfulness of these emotions and come up with some reasonable goals you can commit to in terms of dealing with emotions and emotional triggers.
Rely On Your Wise Mind
The Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) model coaches us on how we can rely on our wise minds as a way to cope with emotions. The two aspects of your mind – your rational mind and your emotional mind – both serve their purposes. Moreover, they come together to create the “wise mind”.
When you come back with a clearer mind, try asking yourself some questions. “To what extent will this current emotion impact my life a year from now?” and “Is this emotion true to what’s happening in reality?” It’s also okay to tell yourself that your emotions are natural and will pass, no matter how difficult and intense the emotion.
Cultivate Your Mindfulness Techniques
You don’t have to feel guilty about learning how to become emotionally detached. Spend some time cultivating your chosen mindfulness techniques. Maybe you prefer writing your feelings in a journal, meditating, or focusing on a treasured object that is physically present with you at the moment. Either way, you can start to accept and take control over your emotions.
Emotional detachment is a form of temporary relief which you should use with a wise mind. Do you find that your mindfulness techniques can’t help you any more or you feel overwhelmed? Remember there is no shame in reaching out to a licensed professional for a bit of extra assistance and guidance.
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