Alcoholism (otherwise known as Alcohol Use Disorder or AUD for short) is estimated to impact 15.1 million Americans over the age of 18 and 623,000 youths. Alcohol consumption is the third leading cause of death in the US, and studies indicate that almost half of those aged 12 and older who died from liver disease in 2015 were alcohol-involved fatalities.
These statistics are startling, but they don’t quite capture what it is like to live with someone who is an alcoholic. Alcoholism doesn’t just impact the alcoholic; it affects those close to them as well. While the outlook might seem bleak, there are a few methods that you, as the loved one of an alcoholic, can do in order to learn how to deal with an alcoholic.
Educate Yourself About Alcohol Use Disorder
The biggest step you can take in learning how to deal with an alcoholic is to learn about the disorder itself. Knowing the diagnostic criteria as it is listed in the DSM-5 is a great place to start. In order to be diagnosed with AUD, a person has to meet 2 out of the 11 listed criteria within a one-year period, and the severity of AUD depends on how many of these criteria are met. Those with severe AUD will meet 6 or more of the criteria.
Criteria for diagnosis include:
- Craving alcohol so badly that the individual can’t think of anything else.
- Drinking more or for longer than originally intended.
- Experiencing serious withdrawal symptoms.
- Tried to cut back or quit alcohol several times but couldn’t.
- Continue to drink even though it brings on or doesn’t eliminate symptoms of depression.
Remember, every one of us is different, so those with AUD might not present the same symptoms or severity. However, paying close attention to what your loved one is doing can clue you into what they might be thinking or feeling.
Know What You Want To Say
Before you confront your loved one with your feelings on their alcoholism, you should know beforehand what you want to say and how you want to say it. When crafting your speech, try to avoid using accusatory statements such as “You make me feel afraid to be around you” or “You are out-of-control.” Instead, use “I think” and “I feel” to convey your concerns. Emphasize your concern for their well-being by reinforcing the consequences of alcohol addiction.
Also, make sure that you talk with your loved one when they are sober. When they intoxicate themselves, they will not be able to process what you are telling them in the same way as when they are sober.
Be Honest With Your Loved One
Being honest with your loved one is a crucial step in learning how to deal with an alcoholic. When you are ready to approach your loved one, let them know, point-by-point, what you honestly feel while maintaining a good rapport with them.
Without blaming or shaming your loved one, let them know that you have observed crucial warning signs of alcoholism. You can even share with them any personal struggles you have faced and let them know that they can confide in you but to expect you to always be upfront with them.
Be Honest With Yourself
Are you doing something that might be enabling your loved one to continue to abuse alcohol? Figuring out how to deal with an alcoholic sometimes means having to assess your own behaviors. Are you repeatedly lending your loved one money or trying to cover for your loved one when other people talk about your loved one being an alcoholic? Ask yourself these questions and consider your responses.
In order to help your loved one, you have to be honest with yourself regarding your own thoughts and actions. It is okay to admit that you have (intentionally or unintentionally) enabled your loved one. Admitting to your own mistakes and taking responsibility sets a positive example for your loved one.
Share Your Concerns With Their Other Loved Ones
Sometimes, speaking one-on-one with a loved one isn’t enough. Learning how to deal with an alcoholic can be a team effort. In fact, you can gather together with a group of other concerned loved ones and candidly speak with them. Each can take turns addressing attitudes and behaviors that your loved one has displayed. Not only does this allow everyone a deeper understanding of what might be going on, but it allows you to develop a stronger system of support for your loved one and for yourself.
Know When To Call An Interventionist
Confronting your loved one might be a difficult task that is best left to the guidance of a trained interventionist. If you aren’t sure where to start looking for one, the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) can provide contact information for resources close to where you live.
When an interventionist does come in, the intervention specialist will meet with concerned loved ones and lead a discussion between loved ones and the individual dealing with alcoholism. Loved ones will get the chance to honestly and tactfully speak with their loved one, and the specialist will present the alcoholic with the next steps they can take, should they opt to start their recovery journey. Of course, your loved one might not want to seek treatment and can refuse to do so. It is up to you to remain level-headed and stand your ground during and after the intervention.
Finding ways for how to deal with an alcoholic can be taxing. Keeping up with your own self-care is necessary. Remember, you can only be responsible for yourself, and setting this example can make a difference for your loved one as they learn to take responsibility for themselves as well. You can support your loved one without enabling them by remaining calm and reminding them that you love them, even though you do not love their alcoholism.
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