Who hasn’t had a problem with will power and bad habits. We all get to points in our life where we see that our habits have turned destructive. They started out fun, exciting and very satisfying and then turned to the opposite. The negative effect begins outweighing the positive effect. The negative consequences on our body and mind are not worth the positive effects gained.
Most New Year resolutions have to do with better physical and mental health, not indulging quite so much, and letting go of destructive habits.
A New Beginning 
This is a good time of year to make some promises to ourselves, to others, and even to life itself, a God or a Spirit. The Winter Solstice is the very beginning of coming back into more light of spring. So it is a good time to reflect about where we have been this past year and where we would like to go and what do we want different in our life?
It is also a time for celebration with all of it’s intensity of emotion and increased consumption on many levels. Therefore, New Years resolutions are about cleaning out, letting go, focusing more and taking care of the life we have.
This is a dark time of year when many people touch into depression or deep anxiety, whether it is for a few days or months. The holiday season can be an important time to grieve, remember and reflect. This is revitalizing on many levels and helps clarify our intention for the next year.
Why are these resolutions and promises to ourselves so hard to keep?
Answer: By not accounting for the fact that we have an unconscious.
For example, I use to do more hypnosis in my practice than I do now but what I learned then about the conscious and unconscious mind is the same. Just because someone really wants to change doesn’t mean the unconscious mind is in agreement.
The conscious mind might want to stop smoking or get rid of a particular fear or not eat so much but the unconscious is using that habit or fear to hide deeper issues. I would ask the unconscious mind in hypnosis if it wanted to stop the bad habit and it might say, “No Way!”. So then I could be sensitive to what might be hidden and the steps to be taken for release. This level of vulnerability is the place for the Work, a new attitude, and a new resolution or a promise.
I (ego) may want to change my life, that is a very good thing. However, there are parts of ourselves that the ego does not want to experience again or remember. This repression gets in the way of our fulfillment. It not only blocks the painful feeling but it also blocks creative energy and spiritual satisfaction. This can be dealt with but it takes a particular effort. That is why goal setting and discipline are a place to start but we also need to look at what is being avoided.
Setting Resolutions 
Goal setting, schedules, do’s and don’ts need to be made and those are decisions that the ego needs to make. For example, “I will exercise at such and such a time”, “I want to cut back on eating/drinking so much ……..”. “I promise myself to be more present.”
Setting a resolution is like trying to row a boat in the ocean, heading for the North Star, great! We need a direction and a reference point because stuff comes up from the unconscious and life happens. This can throw us off course. We need a direction, a focus or structure to come back too. For example, we come back to the breath and body sensations in meditation when we get spaced out, over and over again. Or, if we fall off of our exercise program, we just come back to it, no blame, no shame.
Also, we need to know how to read the changes in the current, or what to do when a storm comes. What if the North Star isn’t visible. There is a lot to learn as we row the boat and it is never ending. For example, certain emotional storms of fear, anxiety and guilt can take over. This is a point where we may need to talk to a friend, a therapist or support group.
The unconscious is like the ocean. It has a certain way and life of it’s own. And, it is way bigger than us. Therefore, to stay on course we need a sense of proportion: What I can do as an individual and where I need the help of others. We need a sense of what we can control and cannot control.
We have choice. We cannot control the ocean, only how we respond to it. That is our choice. Fighting with the ocean is pointless. But what we can do is be tender with ourselves when we are in a time of change or turmoil, struggling with discipline.
The Work of the New Year 
When we study ourselves we find a tension between progressing with our New Year’s resolutions and regressing back into the destructive habits and negative attitudes. We can see clearly how we can take care of ourselves and others but find we can slip back into bad habits, not caring for our health and spirit, blaming others for our problems, and like a child; being blown by the winds of desire and impulse.
For example, there is a natural tension between child and adult within ourselves. A part of us wants to mature and progress into adulthood and another part wants to regress into childhood.
A part of us wants to mature and feel the grounded spacious feeling of adulthood. And a part of us wants to regress into youth being taken care of by others and play all day. Since every human being has to deal with this tension, it is an aspect of big mind or the larger Self. We need both.
What do I do about regressing and progressing?
Answer: If we reject the child part of ourselves we move toward becoming rigid, resentful, anxious, etc. If we reject the adult part of ourselves, we move toward the “eternal child” avoiding commitment, meaningful lifestyle, follow through and self reliance to name a few.
We need to hold both ends of the spectrum, rejecting neither.
For example, whenever I get out of balance, too goal directed(adult) or too impulsive(child), I need to ask myself, “What is happening?”, “What don’t I want to feel?” or “What am I avoiding?” Then breath through this exploration.
Here are a few New Year’s Resolutions :
I promise to gradually get to know my deeper self.
I promise to gradually feel what I am feeling.
I resolve to gradually become more present in my life to what ever, inside or outside.
I intend to be less judgmental of the feelings and memories that come up.
I promise to call a therapist for help tomorrow.
I vow to join a group for support.
“The fact that we have to feel this polarity so excruciatingly makes human existence all the more complicated. Yet the suffering that necessarily attaches to life cannot be evaded.” C.G. Jung: Collected Works, Kindle ed. (143249-143252).
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