Self-loathing occurs when we harshly and brutally attack ourselves with our thoughts. These thoughts of not being good enough in some way are often rooted in previous experiences. And possibly childhood trauma. So overcoming them takes work. We’ve found some tips you can try the next time you experience self-loathing so that you can transform it into self-love instead.
Self Loathing
Have you ever heard a voice in your head telling you that you’re not good enough or that something you said or did was stupid, wrong, or annoying? These are common themes during periods of self-loathing and this negative thought process is something that many people deal with on a daily basis.
Self-loathing is not to be confused with your conscious thought, as it’s more of a negative belief that we tell ourselves which makes us feel down. They can creep in at any time or be ever present, but either way. They’re thoughts that can be detrimental to our self-esteem and sense of worth.
If you’ve experienced these thoughts before you are constantly plagued by them, there’s one way to cure them: self-compassion. Learning to transform your self-loathing into self-love is a practice that takes time and persistence, but luckily we’ve got some tips that can help you do just that.
Here’s a Video on Self Loathing | The Struggle
The Causes and Underlying Issues of Self Loathing
This form of self-hatred almost always come from childhood. Children who have heard similar negative feedback on themselves will begin to take it on board and believe it. They’re usually carrying these thoughts with them into adulthood.
It’s not always the parents who are to blame though. A child with a perfectly normal upbringing could have experienced things like anxiety or the need for perfectionism. Self-hatred is something that usually grows stronger as time goes on. Even when there are no obvious things that led to it, it can still manifest.
Other times, victims of trauma will also carry feelings of self-loathing. These experienced trauma can cause shame, guilt, low self-esteem and a feeling of less worth than others, and when not properly dealt with they can manifest later in life.
Here’s a Video on Hatred (The Secret Cause of Hate) – Teal Swan
Tips to Transform Your Self Loathing into Self Love
Regardless of the root cause of your self-loathing, there are ways that you can transform this thinking. Just as it would have taken years to develop this strong self-hatred it may also take years to reverse it, but the anecdote is just to give yourself some compassion whenever you need it. Check out these tips to transform your self-loathing into self-love.
#10: Remember the Good Feelings
As humans, we’re pretty good at remembering all of the bad things somebody ever said to us and forgetting the good. The next time someone says something nice about you, write it down in a journal of good feelings. When you’re feeling that self-loathing voice arrives, get out your book and see that other people don’t agree with it and you’re actually a good person. Sometimes having this other opinion can help to silence the negative thoughts.
#9: Speak to Yourself As a Friend
Try to imagine you have a friend and you speak to them in the way that your inner critic speaks to you. How long would you stick around in that abusive relationship for? We need to start being kinder to ourselves and speaking in the same respectful, supportive and nurturing tone that we use for friends and family. After all, there’s no relationship as important as the one we have with ourselves so it deserves our love and respect.
#8: Make Friends With Someone You Admire
Sometimes, the inner voice of self-loathing will be focused on comparisons. Someone looks better than us, they have a higher paying job, their family seems s happy, their car is more expensive. By comparing ourselves to others it lowers our perception of ourselves and builds other people up higher than they need to be. Make a point of talking to someone you envy and you’ll see that they’re not that different from you.
Here’s a Video on How to Make People Like You And Want to Be Your Friend Instantly
#7: Remember that Beliefs Aren’t Truths
It can be hard to disregard the inner critic that constantly chatters away in our head, but we can learn to look at it for what it is. This voice is not speaking truths and absolute facts, it’s actually just speaking beliefs. These beliefs are negative and come from a bad place in our minds, so the thought that they are reliable and factual is laughable. Try to imagine your inner demon as a gossip or someone spreading false beliefs and you’ll see them in a different light.
#6: Make Amends For Mistakes
Sometimes we have a lot of self-loathing because we are feeling guilty about something we did in the past. If this relates to you and you’re still beating yourself up due to a past mistake, it’s time to make amends. If you can’t make amends or speak to the person you hurt, do something good for another person and start to move with your life. Everyone makes mistakes and if you are truly sorry for it, there’s no reason you should carry that with you forever.
#5: Believe That You Are Good Enough
A common theme with those who experience self-loathing is the thought that they are worthless or less than everyone else. Sometimes, we simply need to remind ourselves that we are doing and who we are is good enough. You may not have a perfect life or everything that you desire. But at your core, you are a decent person who tries their best every day. Which makes you more than good enough. You’ll need to constantly remind yourself of this in order to quieten the self-loathing, but eventually, it’ll start to work.
#4: Question Your Thoughts
Rather than trying to push aside the thoughts of self-loathing or block them out. Try seeing them as something to be observed and studies. If you feel yourself speaking negatively in your head, ask that inner voice some questions. Why are you telling me this? What do you think it will achieve by speaking that way? Try to imagine that inner voice as an external party and not your mind. You want to understand where it’s coming from and show it that it has no actual validity in your life.
#3: Be Compassionate To Yourself
For a lot of people who suffer from self-loathing. These thoughts are particularly strong after we’ve done something we think is wrong. You may have drunk too much alcohol at a party or said something that you later regretted. Rather than constantly berating yourself for it, try to show compassion to yourself and forgive and move on. You wouldn’t hold something like this over a friend, so imagine you’re speaking to someone else in the same situation and offer compassion.
Here’s a Video on How to be self-compassionate in 12 steps – Mindfulness
#2: Learn About Your Heroes
Nobody is perfect, and this is something that is hard to grasp for the self-loather. Think about some people you really admire and research them. You’ll often find that even those who seem to have the answers often went through struggles of their own. Each of us has challenges in life and nobody ever got everything easy. So don’t torture yourself because your life seems to not have worked out so well.
#1: Get Out of the Past
One of the biggest issues with self-loathing is that it’s usually to do with another time that’s not the present. People may ruminate on things that happened in the past and constantly feel bad about them. Others will imagine scenarios in the future where all of their bad traits come up and ruin things for them. Make a rule with yourself that you won’t spend any time thinking about past or future times and will instead try to make your present as good as possible.
Learning to Speak To Yourself the Right Way
Imagine if we all spoke to each other the way we speak to ourselves in our head. Nobody would ever be friends again. We are often our own worst critics and set much higher standards for ourselves that we do friends and family. This results in self-loathing or constant criticism of ourselves which will only fester as time goes on.
Speak to yourself as a friend rather than an enemy or critic. This will ensure you squash this feeling of self-loathing and will also help you to help others. We spend all day with the voice in our head. It’s important to nurture that relationship and ensure that we’re speaking to ourselves in a respectful and positive way.
