If you’ve ever been on the receiving end of the silent treatment you’ll know just how powerful it can be. This tactic, used in all types of relationships, might seem harmless enough. But it can actually be extremely dangerous both mentally and physically. We’ve uncovered five reasons why the silent treatment can actually be more damaging than words.
5 Reasons Why The Silent Treatment Is Worse Than Hurtful Words
We’ve all heard of the term ‘silent treatment’ and possibly even thrown it around in a joking manner. But this seemingly harmless tactic actually has a lot of serious consequences. The silent treatment occurs in all kinds of relationships including family, friendships, coworkers, and romantic ones, so it seems nobody is immune to it.
The silent treatment is when you purposely ignore someone. However, the action is taken a lot further than ignoring one comment. But rather it stretches on for long periods of time. The result is a lot of psychological, emotional, and possibly even physical distress for the other party.
People often assume that because they’re saying nothing, this tactic is better than being hurtful through their words. The reality is that the silent treatment is often more hurtful than any words you could say. It is actually considered a form of emotional abuse.
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What Is the Silent Treatment and Why Do People Do It?
The silent treatment is when one party refuses to talk to another party and will purposely go out of their way to ignore and avoid them. For the one being given this treatment, it will usually feel quite hurtful. You will likely experience a range of negative emotions and feelings from it.
When someone decides to give the silent treatment to another, they’re usually doing so from a place of hurt feelings.
They are usually hoping for one of these things to occur:
- They want to hurt you
Knowing full well what harm the silent treatment can do and how much it affects you personally, the one using this tactic will do it as a form of abuse.
- They think a problem is your fault
After a disagreement or issue, the person may ignore you because they’re angry at you and don’t want to discuss what happened.
- They want to manipulate you
By purposely ignoring someone, you have the power to make the other party question their actions and somehow turn it into being their fault.
- They think it will be helpful
It’s not always that someone giving the silent treatment is trying to purposely hurt you. There are people who have poor communication skills and think that ignoring someone or something is the best way to solve a problem.
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The Ways That Silent Treatment Can Be Harmful
You might think that saying nothing surely couldn’t be as hurtful as saying something damaging that you’ll regret later. But the opposite is usually true. Those who use the silent treatment as a form of abuse know this and realize just how powerful it can be, and it can actually cause all of these issues and more.
Emotional trauma
Nobody likes to be left out of anything. And when you’re getting the silent treatment from someone you care about it’s going to wreak havoc with your emotions. There are very serious emotional symptoms that will occur when someone ignores or neglects you so obviously. This includes guilt, loneliness, isolation, loneliness, depression, and anger.
Someone that you care about willingly ignoring you or isolating you will be more impactful because of your relationship. Therefore, you might feel unloved or unworthy because of their silent treatment. This is a very real and serious form of emotional abuse.
Psychological stress
You might think nothing of someone ignoring you for a few days. But it can be doing serious psychological harm. Another term for the silent treatment is ‘ostracism’ and it means banishing or excluding someone. The silent treatment is a form of psychological abuse and as such it causes symptoms like increased stress levels, a feeling of no control, grief, and loss.
The target of this behavior may start to question their self-worth and will likely go through a rollercoaster of emotions. Their self-esteem will drop and cause them to rethink the situation. Experiencing these negative emotions can be a form of enjoyment. For the person who delivered the silent treatment to witness, and helps to solidify their position of power.
Behavioral changes
One of the key reasons why people knowingly use this tactic is to manipulate. If you’re on the receiving end of the silent treatment you may know full well that you have done nothing wrong. But over time the silence actually starts to affect you.
You might start thinking things over and blaming yourself. What did you do wrong? What should you have done differently? These will all lead to behavioral changes where you start to assess your own behavior. And possibly even lavishing more attention and positive feelings on the one who has made you feel like this. This is the goal of those who use the silent treatment as a form of manipulation.
Physical symptoms
According to science, there’s a part of the brain that will activate when we feel pain. Studies have shown that when someone is giving us the silent treatment. Anterior cingulate cortex will activate and your brain will tell you that you’re in physical pain.
When someone is purposely ignoring you, it’s not only going to wreak having on your psychological and emotional self. But your physical self as well. People may experience physical symptoms when they’re receiving the silent treatment including headaches, diarrhea, insomnia, and fatigue. More serious symptoms including eating disorders, high blood pressure, heart disease, blood clots, and cancer.
Destroys relationships
Those who have been on the receiving end of the silent treatment know how hurtful it can be. When you’re involved with someone who likes to use this abusive tactic and understands how damaging it is, will likely find themselves reassessing their relationship.
Continual use of this tactic with the full knowledge of how harmful it is on the other party is meant for ending a relationship. Whether it’s with a coworker, family member, or lover, there is no need to put up with emotionally abusive behavior like this.
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What to Do When Someone is Giving You the Silent Treatment
Depending on why they are giving you the silent treatment, there will be different approaches that work. Some may be using this as a form of manipulation and others might not know how to deal with conflict, so there isn’t one easy approach for all.
Here are some things you can consider when you’re dealing with a silent person, whether it’s a spouse, coworker or family member.
- Take Some Time: You may be experiencing a fight or disagreement, so it’s best to cool off separately and take some time.
- Give Them Space: There are times when a personality difference could be causing silence, such as an introvert who simply need a little alone time to deal.
- Apologize Only If Necessary: If you are truly at fault and you know it, an apology could solve everything.
- Don’t Apologize To Fix It: Never apologize just to get them talking again if you haven’t done anything wrong.
- Set Some Rules: Make communication rules so that this never happens again and explain how hurtful it can be.
In the cases where someone is using this tactic as a form of abuse, it’s obvious there may be other psychological issues at play. Often times those with narcissistic tendencies will feel a form of power by delivering the silent treatment and by giving them a negative reaction, they will only be enjoying it further. When you’re dealing with someone abusive like this, it’s better to take steps to distance yourself from them as they will only continue to hurt you.
Here’s a Video on What to Do When Someone Gives You the Silent Treatment | Effective Communication Skills Training
Open Communication is Always the Right Approach
Regardless of their reasoning for giving the silent treatment, this approach is never ideal for any parties involved. Simply ignoring a problem and hoping that it will go away will only make it worse, and doing it as a purposeful act of manipulation means that this person is being willingly emotionally abusive.
Honest Communication
No problems are ever solved by ignoring them, and when we ignore someone in a relationship this will only do further damage. Open and honest communication is the best approach, no matter how uncomfortable it may be to discuss. If need be, you can let someone know you need a couple of days to think about things before you talk, but don’t simply freeze them out with no explanation.
The silent treatment is a tactic that’s been made light of in many romantic comedies and TV shows, but the reality of it is far from funny. We owe people our attention, even when the situation may not be ideal, and ignoring someone on purpose by using this treatment is never the way to deal with things.
