Healthy stress and unhealthy stress
Over the years I have heard many people describe their stress. The most common theme is feeling overwhelmed. Stress management has to do with: “I can’t do it anymore, I can hardly keep up, I am over loaded, I can’t hold on, he or she is too much for me, etc, etc.” Healthy stress, has to do with giving yourself a challenge, but in this case we are talking about the unhealthy kind. The kind that can negatively effects your health and relationships. Let’s look at stress from three different situations:
For example, someone said to me, “I have five businesses and I am starting two more. I just have to manage my stress better.” Someone else said, “my parents are visiting this weekend and I am so stressed out, I can hardly deal with it.” And another said, “My best friend died this week of cancer, and my stress is too much”. The first person is very wealthy and yet, it is not enough. The second person was very hurt by her parents growing up, so the visit is triggering stress from the past. The third person is in big emotional pain because of the loss of a life long friend. So, all three of these people have stress, but the complexity is very different.
First, “What is my perception of the stressors?”
Perception is how you see the situation that is stressful. “How clearly do I perceive all the parts?” There are usually many parts to stress, feelings, thoughts, past, future, family, body, mind, and so forth. That is why meditation, and physical exercise of any kind work so well in relieving stress. They clear the mind and body so you can see the complexity of the stress more clearly. Also, good friendships and a therapist you can trust, will support you in clarifying your perception. Then the creative imagination has a better chance with a new perception, and take a different action. Even if the new action is to do nothing or even if the new action is to cry. Sometimes changing your relationships with friends and family is part of this new perception.
The first person in the above example is not clear about limitations. He perceives himself to be super human. He does not perceive that he also wants his marriage and family too. His perception has been too narrow. He also misses wife and the fun they use to have, but they haven’t been out in over a year and they are fighting constantly now. The kids are saying they miss their father. Perceiving the various parts of the situation provide him with a new question, “what kind of life do I really want?”. With all the parts in view he can then imagine a different way of life, or divorce and put his time into making money. We give time to what we love.
