We often think that, when we speak to our therapists, we have to tell them everything. While it can be helpful to tell them about some of the thoughts and feelings that are bothering you, a few of them might actually be better kept to yourself. Also, you are not under any sort of legal, contractually-bound obligation to tell your therapist anything you do not feel comfortable with telling them.
With that being said, here is what not to tell a therapist.
1. Dream Interpretations
Learning what not to tell a therapist might surprise you. First and foremost, don’t expect your therapist to want to analyze your dreams. Most contemporary therapists are not trained in dream analysis. They might even find it to be counterproductive to the administration of therapy for their clients.
Instead, keep your own dream journal and start thinking about your dreams. What thoughts and feelings arise after you have gone through and analyzed your own dreams? Are these thoughts that you would feel comfortable bringing up in your next therapy session?
2. Wishing Someone Else Was Dead
You might start feeling comfortable enough with your therapist to start making off-handed jokes or comments. How many times have you jokingly said you wished someone you know was dead? Most of us have done it, but when you do it during a therapy session, expect for there to be, at the very least, more discussion on why you said this. In fact, be prepared to qualify and explore your reasoning for this statement, as your therapist will likely be paying attention to everything you say.
At the most, your therapist might take multiple factors (including how they perceive your tone of voice) into account and act as a mandated reported. Being a mandated reporter means that your therapist is legally required to report anything that might indicate physical, emotional, or mental harm inflicted on or by their client. As mandated reporters, therapists are required to contact local law enforcement if they feel a client is going to harm someone else.
3. Wishing You Were Dead
As is the case with mentioning wishing someone else was dead, therapists take potential threats of self-harm made by clients pretty seriously. Even if you do not have a history of suicidal ideation or attempts, your therapist is going to take note of these comments. If you make it, be prepared to discuss it.
If your therapist has reason to suspect that the joke might have a serious side to it, they can report their concerns to your medical doctor. Even if you are terminally ill and mention suicide (including physician-assisted suicide, which is legal in Oregon and several other states), doctors in most American states can report their concerns.
4. Limit Your Spiritual Confessions
Another “what not to tell a therapist” topic is religion/spirituality. Most therapists will respect your spiritual and religious ideologies and boundaries. In fact, some therapists shy away from religious and spiritual talk unless you bring it up first. If this is something you feel might help you in your therapy, then you should bring it up.
However, your therapist is not your priest. Spiritual and religious banter can actually be a distraction in terms of getting to the root of why you are in therapy and how it can help you.
5. Bringing Up a Prior Criminal History
You should eventually feel comfortable enough with your therapist to delve into some truly deep-rooted issues. While this is a sign of progress, you might not want to fully disclose something like your criminal history, including victim-less crimes.
Most therapists won’t judge you for your criminal past. But there are likely a few out there who might not see your actions as just being in the past. If your prior record is not part of the reason for why you’re seeking therapy, you might want to consider how you bring it up or possibly not mentioning it at all.
6. Talking Politics
Politics are almost always a “what not to tell a therapist” item since it can breed negativity. Most therapists will respect your right to your opinions. Nonetheless, political banter can quickly turn sour in even the best situations. Limit your political commentary, especially since it might not bee too conducive to your progress in therapy. It actually serves more as a distraction.
7. Disclosing Drug and Alcohol Use
Whether you recreationally or medicinally use a drug like marijuana or enjoy socially drinking or smoking, you don’t need to bring it up with your therapist. Of course, if you are struggling with a serious addiction, you can benefit from your therapist knowing your usage habits. Otherwise, if it’s not conducive to your improvement through therapy, you aren’t obligated to bring it up.
If you mention using marijuana, do not disclose whether you are also a distributor. A therapist might interpret this as you doing harm to others and feel inclined to report you to law enforcement.
8. How You Really Feel About Your Therapist
You might have brief flashes of emotions regarding how you feel about your therapist. Whether these are “good” or “bad”, they’re usually best kept private since those feelings can change. If you find yourself not trusting your therapist or feeling a disconnection in how they approach you, consider whether it’s time to find another therapist.
Summing Up
While there are a lot of things you should tell a therapist, you should consider what not to tell a therapist. If the topic isn’t relevant to the reason you’re in therapy and how therapy is supposed to help you, consider approaching a trusted family member or friend instead. This can save you some time in therapy and perhaps spare you a bit of anxiety. Remember, your therapist is trained to listen to the words coming out of your mouth and interpret them as best they can.